A FINE MESS (1986)

Starring:Howie Mandel, Ted Danson, Richard Mulligan and Paul Sorvino
Directed By: Blake Edwards

The Plot:After uncovering a gangster's horse-racing scam, two friends look to capitalize at the track before winding up six feet under.

Crapterion Commentary:
Never before has such little talent underachieved so much. Fresh from their breakaway TV hits, Mandel (St. Elsewhere) and Danson (Cheers) are like a modern day Laurel and Hardy except instead of making you laugh they make you bleed out of your anus. An easily forgotten turd except for the fact that I managed to see it four or five times because my dad dubbed it (and several other gems I call "The Norway Movies" because they were my only entertainment in the aforementioned Scandanavian cultural wasteland) on the top-loading Video Cassette Recorder (VCR). Such cruel repetition left certain imprints on my subconscious, least of which would be the scene when gangster goon Richard Mulligan (Empty Nest) takes a large carrot-shaped horse-steroid suppository up the ass; the resulting Keystone Cops homage allowing him to conveniently circumvent the police. Also, there was a sweet background song for "Rick Dees in the Morning" when Mandel is shaving and doing something so Howie. Speaking of which, did you see him on "The Aristocrats"? His humorless use of the word "cunt" made me want to stick a rubber glove on his head permanently.

Faithfully submitted,
NORMY

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