FLASH GORDON (1980)
Starring: Sam L. Jones, Melody Anderson, Max Von Sydow, Timothy Dalton, Brian Blessed and Topol
Directed By: Mike Hodges
The Plot:
In this remake of the popular franchise character, Flash Gordon (this time he's an NFL quarterback turned interstellar adventurer), must protect the Earth and the alien Mongols against a power-hungry Ming the Merciless.
Crapterion Commentary:
Okay, we all have our soft-spots and Flash Gordon is one of mine. My other soft spot is right behind my ear but thats for another blog altogether ... it will be called Normy's Nuzzle Buzz though so stay tuned!
Anyway, this movie has the distinction of being my first movie theater experience and several scenes remain etched deeply in my reptilian brain stem: the Test of Manhood, the metal-faced Klytus's eyes popping out of his head like some sci-fi stress toy, Brian Blessed's humongous thighs. Oh, and in this version, Flash is quarterback for the Jets. Something about that is really really awesome. Maybe its because he uses his pigskin-tossing skills to dispatch various enemies in an early fight scene? Yes, that is likely the reason.
Oh Ming, and then there is the fact that this movie came out after Star Wars. Wow. From the puppeteered spaceships to the cloudy liquid backdrops, this movie stared in the face of Visual FX progress and laughed until a little bit of pee came out. Wheeeeeee!
Flash Gordon is indulgent campy fun. The kind of movie where Topol (of "If I Were a Rich Man"/Tevye fame) mentions the Beatles as an emotional anchor by which he avoids brainwashing. Shit, this from a guy who had just revisited the womb mentally! There's hot slave chicks and something called a bore-worm (a reference which I employ with my wife on Date Night). What else? Flash gets eaten by what is essentially a big balloon. Timothy Dalton looks neither younger nor older. Where did that guy go anyway? One shabby Bond pic and a silly moustache in the Rocketeer, then, POOF!
Ok, so this is clearly one of the finest crappy films ever made, complete with a full-bore(worm) Queen soundtrack and if you don't like the sound of that you are worthy of a Hot Hail attack sometime soon.
Faithfully submitted,
NORMY
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